the early bird gets the worm.

the early worm gets eaten.

hearts and flowers// candy and condoms

V-day a-coming, I supposed I should settle this now.

1) Is it absolutely essential to have a date on Valentine's day?

People currently happily dating and having healthy migraine-reducing sex:
Yes!!!

Lonely people who can't get dates and who convince themselves they're happy being single in order to sleep at night:
No.


2)What Valentine's day really means.

People who are loved, skinny, and white, who get truckloads of symbolic vaginas (i.e. flowers) every day from attractive men who aren't gay:
It is that time of year when I can wallow in self-love and be validated.

Lonely people who cry themselves to sleep at night: I defy thee, Valentine's day and refuse to conform to societal pressure to wear pink or red or angel wings and commemorate the event by going on dates! I will stay at home and eat cake because I don't need no man to make me feel complete. (paraphrased from Pussy cat dolls)


3) Why the obsession with:
a) chocolates
b) heart-shaped boxes
c) candy
d) flowers

Attractive people who get all of the above:
a) filthy calorie-laden confections that should be thrown up shortly after chewing. But it shows that he likes you.
b) if there's a love letter in it, eeeew, so cheesy. But it shows that he loves you.
c) see a.
d) awww... sweet. It shows that he loves you.

Lonely single people grown bitter with every year that has passed with lips un-kissed, hands un-held, condoms un-used and uteruses/ clitori un-visited:
a) chocolates are better than sex. In fact, eating copious amounts is like the rough equivalent of a multiple orgasm. So I'd rather have the chocolates. At least they don't snore afterwards.
b) heart-shaped boxes are a farce. Have you SEEN a frickin heart?? It looks like a FIST with veins and blood and everything!
c) see a.
d) symbolic vaginas. That are useless because they die anyway.

Lest I be misconstrued at making fun of this glorious occasion, and I'm sure it will be fun, I would like to say that I am the latter kind of people. The dudes with the barren uteruses. I will not even try to defend myself.