Ang Kilusang Bente Uno
1) No one came as usual. A perennial sickness for December 23rd celebrants. By the end of a twenty-strong guest list consisting of all my high school classmates, only two came. Agsy and Airah. I don't blame the people who didn't come, though. I should send out invites in February.
2) Half of my birthday celebration was spent walking and hailing passing cabs. Agsy was sport though. All the places I wanted to go to were closed and/or about to close and/or nonexistent. Have you no concept of midnight madness, SM Baguio?????? Okay, sige kailangan niyo magrest, salesgirls and salesmen. Sorry. Merry Christmas.
3) Went to Cactus Bar in Legarda. Agatha saying "Let's go in the first bar that we see" wasn't really applicable at this point. The first thing we saw was R.Lapid's Chicharon. Then an assortment of Korean restaurants, KTV bars, and titty bars within a six-mile radius. Eventually, the first legit bar we saw was 18BC. No one was in it. So we crossed the street and settled into the next best thing.
4) A band named Powepuff something was playing. Nice sounds, but there were exactly 12.4 people in the bar, including waiters. All the women there had boyfriends with them. The other men were either wasted asses, or the band's close close friends. We got an early shoutout from the funny guitarist man who eventually got my number. I was too cornered to lie. And so my real number is now in his possession. The screening question was, "Globe ka ba or Smart?" I should have said Smart. I should have been smart. Pun super intended.
5) Creepy guy from next table at this point started staring at three of us. Welcome Airah into the table. Specifically, Agsy who was nearest to him. After like, half an hour of relentless non-blinking staring, he came up to Ags and asked us to join them. Good frickin thing the band was loud and we couldn't hear a thing.
6) Tequila shots, six vodka cruisers and a weng-weng I didn't finish. Tell you why later.
7) Airah scrawls something on a napkin with Agatha's lipstick. "Tin's birthday. Sing something." or something. Band announces it's my birthday. Vicinity claps and says happy birthday. Guitarist guy asks me that if I'm born so near Christmas, I should be named "Jesusa." Why not. I said kaya Kristine kasi Christmas but only the waiters behind me hear. They nod and say ahhh that makes sense.
8) Agatha goes to the bathroom. Creepy guy follows. I ask Airah to go and check on Agatha lest she might be cornered. I stare at the handsome guitarist to the left of the stage who's quiet and doesn't really move much. I sing to "Day-O." I drink my Wengweng. Creepy dude comes back and sits at the table adjacent. Comes near and asks me, "Is it really your birthday?" Yeah. But it's done na, it's past midnight. "Why don't you join us?" he says, focusing on my chest. I fight the urge to say, "Sorry, breasts can't speak for themselves, but if they did they'd tell you to shove it."
9) Agsy and Airah take so long in the bathroom having a powwow. Creepy guy sits next to me and asks me again if I want to join them. I say no. He says how old are you? I say 21. The (thankfully) sober part of him says "You're too young for me, I'm 30 years old." "What's your job?" I say. He says driver of something or other. At this point he's leaning in so far into me that I'm practically horizontal and talking to him. I shift my chair away. He leans in closer. Finally, fed up with it all he says, "Nagtatagalog ka ba? Dumudugo na ilong ko ka-eenglish sa'yo." I stare for about half a minute, waiting for the blood to trickle down his nose. Powerpuff set ends.
10) Airah tells me later on that the waiter went up to them when they went out of the bathroom saying I need help. Thankfully Agsy and Airah rescue me from more painful, wasted conversation. I can smell like gasoline on his breath, as he has been drinking since dawn. Agsy and Airah say we should go. But Chris (that's the creepy guy's name), grabs my hand and says he has a car if we want to ride with them. Agsy pulls me away. Creepy guy stands and harrasses Airah. Airah, ever the smooth one, evades the advances quite deftly. Creepy guy pursues us to the bar where I pay the bill and tip our waiter generously.
11) We're walking pretty fast out of there, hoping to God a cab passes by in time, when we notice creepy guy and posse are following us. We break into a run when a cab stops ahead of us. We drop Agsy down nearby. Then we see a white Crosswind behind us who stops as Agatha runs past. It's Chris and frickin posse following us!!! The driver opens the door attempting to follow Agsy good thing there was a security guard to save her. Our cab speeds forward and their car follows!!!!! What the hell!!! and we're screaming in the cab, and Manong driver with excellent reflex says, you want me to lose them? Hell yeah, manong!!! and we do.
12) We're safely hiding in Brod pit where our brothers are with their respective friends. Airah's bwudder and my brother. We drink beer, and can't eat anything 'cause the kitchen's closed. It's a relief from creepy guy atmosphere. I'm tipsy and ditzy as usual. I tell airah to drink her beer 'cause it's made of vegetables. She says no and says it's made of malt, or barley, which is a grain. "It's liquid bread," she says. And we get into a slightly heated conversation on whether barley, as a plant, is therefore a vegetable and if plants aren't all vegetables. Beer isn't veggie-based? This is news to me. Apparently I lose this argument because, when I asked my brother if beer is a vegetable, he says no, it's a grain. What the f. I seriously didn't know this before. All this time I thought I was being healthy when I drank alcohol.
13) Powerpuff guy texts and asks where I am. His name is Czar. Like, Russian. What's with the Russian theme, I tell you. He says happy birthday again. I want to ask him, what's your lead guitarist's name, the one who's quiet. But I remember what he said when he asked for my number. "Para hindi ako lonely this Christmas." I want to question the idea of picking up girls in bars just because they're without other guys. Why do you have to pounce? Can we NOT have a night out on a slightly traumatic birthday party without getting hit on? Answers, anyone.
14) I'm at home with a broken head and a bladder full of grain/ vegetable/ fruit alcoholic by-products.
15) Now that I think about it, I've never had a best-laid plan that worked out fine, or NOT had a misadventure with Agsy around. I'm not complaining.
16) Well, yes I am. If I find you again, Chris, and your brother and cousin, I will report you to the authorities for pedophilia and attempted assault.
17) All in all not a bad birthday.